YouTube video sermon
Proverbs 14:30, 27:4
Let me invite you to take your copy of God’s Word and turn with me to Proverbs 14:30 and 27:4. We’re finally at the end of our journey in the Book of Proverbs. We certainly didn’t cover all the wisdom that’s contained in Proverbs, but I believe we gained a deeper appreciation for some of the basic and guiding wisdom – some might say “common sense” – that God provides to His people through the pen of King Solomon. And if there’s something that’s missing in our day and that we need more of it’s wisdom: godly wisdom.
The last several sermons have been more topical in nature – not my usual approach to preaching, but nevertheless, when you’re dealing with the content of Proverbs that’s what you end up with. And today is no different; we’re going to consider jealousy.
As turkey season is just around the corner, I was reminded of a hunting story that Johnny Walker, Buzz Cleveland and Todd Edge told me. They all went turkey hunting together last year, and one afternoon as they were calling this tom from the safety and camouflage of their blind this turkey walks in and says, “Hey guys, there’s this turkey that has the most perfect tail fan and beard you’ve ever seen. He gets all the ladies and I was hoping you could kill him for me.”
Buzz and Todd looked at each other (rubbing their eyes) and said, “Did that turkey just talk to us?” John Walker said, “I knew that ‘mountain water’ that Jim Moore gave us for this trip tasted a little funny.”
Well, the guys wanted to help this turkey but they needed feathers for their arrows. So, the turkey pulled out a feather and offered it to Buzz. Buzz tied it to the back of his arrow and shot, but it didn’t quite reach the other turkey. “He’s too far away.” Not wanting to go another season without a turkey, John said, “It’s my turn.” So, the envious turkey pulled out another feather and offered it to John. John shot but the wind blew the arrow off course. Todd said, “Let me show you fellas how it’s done.” Once again, the turkey pulled out a feather. Todd shot, but another bird walked into the path of the arrow.
Well, Johnny and Buzz and Todd continued taking turns, but eventually the turkey pulled out so many feathers that he couldn’t fly. At this point the guys had worked up a bit of an appetite, so they killed the turkey and had a fine meal.
Now there are at least three (3) morals to this story. First, don’t go hunting with John Walker, Buzz Cleveland and Todd Edge, otherwise you might end up dead. Second, if Jim Moore offers you a glass of “mountain water”, you might want to pass. Third, and most importantly, like our turkey friend, if you’re jealous, the only person you hurt is yourself.
Well, have you found your spot (Proverbs 14:30; 27:4)? Let’s consider what the Bible has to say to us in these verses concerning jealousy.
“A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but jealousy makes the bones rot.” (Proverbs 14:30)
“Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” (Proverbs 27:4)
Heavenly Father, we recognize that it is an immense thing that we would be able to take the pages of Scripture and discover that by the Holy Spirit they come alive to us and they stand as a mirror in which we see our faces, often to our shame – but not to confound us; rather to change us and to conform us to the image of the Lord Jesus Christ. We thank You for reminding us just how precious our days are, how valuable friendship is, what a futility it is to waste time with laziness. And now, help us to think seriously about this matter of jealousy. For Jesus’ sake we ask it. Amen.
Jealousy. It can decimate a friendship. It can dissolve the young romance between a man and a woman. It can destroy a marriage. It can shoot tension through the ranks of business organizations. It can quickly nullify any sense of unity on a sports team. It can foster bitterness and ugliness around the family dining room table. It can create total havoc in a university classroom. In fact, there’s virtually no place in which jealousy is unable to do its dreadful work.
We live in a very competitive world. In fact, we find ourselves right in the middle of one of college sports most competitive seasons – March Madness. All the teams that have made it to the tournament will now be looking over their shoulders, because you don’t make it to “the dance” unless you’re one of the best. And one of the great dangers, especially for those smaller schools from smaller conferences, or even larger schools that haven’t been to “the dance” in quite a while, is that they can become paralyzed by the sideways jealous glance rather than the straightforward gaze. (And this year’s tournament has proven to be anything but predictable.)
The Bible speaks very clearly concerning jealousy on a number of occasions. Not only here in Proverbs, but again, all throughout the pages of Scripture, the Bible is very clear in warning against allowing jealousy to gain any foothold in our lives.
Now, obviously, there is a positive kind of jealousy, because the Bible describes God as a jealous God. What that means is that God has a zeal, a passion, a fervor for the well-being of those that are His own. He exercises a jealous, protective love over those who are His people. It’s the same kind of jealous care that we would exercise over our children or our spouses. But that’s not what’s being spoken of here, and it’s definitely not what we think of as the normal understanding of jealousy.
No, in fact, what we tend to think of as jealousy is actually envy. Most of us think of jealousy as wanting what someone else has, but that’s envy. Envy is what gives rise to covetousness. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, jealousy is “the state of mind arising from the suspicion, apprehension, or knowledge of rivalry. Fear of being supplanted in the affection, or distrust of the fidelity of a beloved person.” Think about the jealous boyfriend who’s afraid of losing the girl he’s dating to another guy. There’s fear as a result of insecurity.
Even though most of us don’t think of jealousy in those terms, there’s definitely no denying that we understand the emotions and feelings associated with it. I often think of the Apostle Peter, as he got to the end of his journey – even after his restoration – he was still concerned about what was going on with John. And Jesus had to say, “Peter, don’t you worry about John. If it’s My will that he remains until I return, that’s none of your business. You just follow me” (John 21:20-22, paraphrased). And Peter – despite the attention of Jesus, despite the affection of Christ, despite the Lord’s devotion to him, as an apostle – was still paralyzed by wondering about this disciple whom Jesus so clearly loved.
What I’d like to do this morning is what we did a few weeks ago. I want us to consider some of the characteristics of jealousy, then some of the consequences of jealousy, and finally the cure for jealousy. First of all, how does it express itself? How will I be able to detect it in my own heart? We don’t have time to go to all of these references; I’ll just mention them to you and you can do the follow-up later, if you choose.
Characteristics of Jealousy
Number one: jealousy cannot stand it when others are doing better. You see this, for example, in Genesis 26:12-15 in one of the stories concerning Isaac. We read how Isaac was able to plant crops and reap a blessing in the land to which he had gone – so much so that the Bible says “he became rich, and his wealth continued to grow until he became [exceptionally] wealthy.” And “he had so many flocks and herds and servants that the Philistines envied him. So, all the wells that his father’s servants had dug in the time of his father Abraham, the Philistines stopped up, filling them with earth.”
The Philistines came with their little backhoes, as it were, and they said, “Oh, so you think you’re doing well, Mr. Wealthy Isaac? Well, let’s show you what this feels like.” And they filled up his wells. Why? Because they couldn’t stand that he was doing better than they were.
Number two: jealousy is sad at the happiness of others. We see this on display in the parable of the prodigal son (in Luke 15). You remember the story. The youngest son had gone away, left home, left his older brother behind, gone off to a distant country, wasted everything that his father had given him, made a mess of things, ending up in a pigsty, and he finally decided to go home.
So, with a penitent heart, he headed for home and figured he would serve his father. But instead, his father determined that he would provide the best of parties for him, a whole new outfit for him, shoes for his feet and a ring to wear, and this amazing killing of the big fat calf. And when the elder brother heard the music and the dancing, he refused to go in. Why? He was sad at the happiness of others.
Number three: jealousy makes us hostile towards those who have never harmed us. In the story of Joseph (from the Old Testament), you’ll remember that when the brothers saw how their father loved their younger brother Joseph, “they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him” (Genesis 37:4).
To be fair, there were extenuating circumstances involved in the process. For example, Jacob showed favoritism towards his youngest son; and Joseph didn’t know how to keep his dreams to himself. But the point is clear – Joseph hadn’t done anything to harm his brothers, yet they hated him. And the reason they hated him was because the seeds of jealousy were deep in their hearts.
Number four: according to Solomon’s other book (the Song of Solomon), “jealousy is [as] cruel as the grave” (8:6) and may seek to bring about the ruin of the one whom we envy. We need only to go to Genesis chapter 4 and the story of Cain and Abel to see this.
Abel kept flocks. Cain worked the soil. Cain brought some of the fruits as an offering. Abel brought portions of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but not on Cain and his offering. So, what did Cain do? He became angry, and his face was downcast. And Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” And while they were in the field, he attacked his brother Abel, and he killed him. What was the root of the murder? Jealousy.
And within the church, it’s possible that we kill one another without actually physically ending people’s lives – all as a result of allowing jealousy a place within our hearts.
Finally, in at number five: jealousy fails to recognize that God knows what He’s doing in apportioning gifts. When I’m jealous of the success of another, what I’m saying is this, “God, you don’t understand. I’m supposed to have that. I’m supposed to be there. I’m supposed to be as tall as that. Why am I this size? I’m supposed to look like that. Why do I have this gift and not that gift?” The Apostle Paul says, in Romans 9:20, “…shall the clay then say to the potter, ‘Why have you made me like this?’”
We could go on, but those are a few characteristics of jealousy. It can’t stand it when others are doing better. It’s sad at the happiness of others. It makes us hostile to those who’ve never harmed us. It’s as cruel as the grave and may seek to bring about the ruin of others. And it fails to recognize that God knows what He’s doing in apportioning gifts.
Consequences of Jealousy
What about the consequences of jealousy? Can you be jealous, and just say, “Hey, I’m jealous, there’s nothing to worry about”? No. Number one: jealousy will rot your bones. It will suffocate you. It will trap you. It will enslave you. Proverbs 14:30 says, “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but jealousy/envy rots the bones.”
In his book Come Before Winter, Chuck Swindoll says, “Like an anger-blind, half-starved rat prowling in the foul-smelling sewers below street level, so is the person caged within the suffocating radius of selfish jealousy. Trapped by resentment … he feeds on the filth of his own imagination.”
Those of you that play golf… If someone makes a good shot, you find out whether you’re jealous or not really quick. Don’t you? For example, the fellow you’re playing against hits his approach shot onto the green and it had a bit of speed to it. Under your breath you’re saying, “Go on, go on, go on.” It wasn’t going to the pin; it was going off the back. It was going into deep rough. As soon as it hit the deep rough, under your breath you’re saying, “Settle now, settle now, settle now.” Isn’t that terrible? That’s bad! And then… And then, to make matters worse you say, “Ah, don’t worry, you can get it up and down from there,” but underneath your breath you’re thinking, “I hope not.” Why? ’Cause we’re jealous of success.
You say, “Oh Lee, that’s trivial. It’s just a game. There’s no harm in that. It just friends giving each other a hard time.” May be… But if we allow that to become a pattern in our lives, then we’ll be wishing for the worst every time we see anybody making any progress. And jealousy will creep in subtly over time and one day we’ll wonder why we are the way we are. It will rot our bones.
Number two: jealousy will also give birth to unwarranted suspicion and anger. In 1 Samuel 18, that’s the problem with Saul in his jealousy with David. You don’t need to turn to it right now. Listen to what the Bible says, “As they were coming home, when David returned from striking down the Philistine, the women came out of all the cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, with tambourines, with songs of joy, and with musical instruments. And the women sang to one another as they celebrated, ‘Saul has struck down his thousands, (ah, but the chorus changed, listen) and David his ten thousands.’ And Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him. He said, ‘They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed thousands, and what more can he have but the kingdom?’ And Saul eyed David from that day on.” (1 Samuel 18:6-9) Jealousy will give birth to unwarranted suspicion and ager.
You’ll find yourself driving in your car, or talking on the phone, or seeing a person out somewhere, and you’ll begin to process information in your mind – unwarranted, suspicious stuff. And if you trace it to its root, it’s often because I cannot simply rejoice in how lovely they look, in how well they’re doing, in how happy they are as a family, in the success of his business, or whatever else it is.
Number three: it breeds a destructive critical spirit. When I develop, in my heart, a kind of reflex action that’s almost always critical, then it’s usually because of jealousy.
Daniel 6:3 says, “Daniel so distinguished himself among the administrators and the satraps by his exceptional qualities that the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom.” Daniel worked hard. Daniel did well. Daniel found favor in the eyes of the Lord. Daniel found favor in the eyes of King Darius. He was in a political world. He wasn’t tooting his own horn. He was just being Daniel. But when he distinguished himself in this way, then all of these administrators, seeing his exceptional quality, “tried to find grounds for charges against Daniel in his conduct of government affairs” (Daniel 6:4) Why? ’Cause they couldn’t stand his success.
Fourth and finally: jealousy will ruin our spiritual appetite. If you find that your hunger for God’s Word has diminished, that your interest in studying it on a personal level, joining with others in the searching out of the Bible and so on, is just not there. You come to worship; you’ve been coming here these past months, and somehow or another, your heart is heavy and cold. Well, listen to Peter’s word: “Get rid of malice and deceit, hypocrisy, envy, slander of every kind. And like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that you may grow up in your salvation, now that you’ve tasted that the Lord is good” (1 Peter 2:1-3). A jealous heart will short-circuit a growing maturity in the things of Christ.
Of course, it’s not possible by self-effort. It’s not possible by just determining, “I won’t be jealous.” We need an outside help. And that brings us to the last consideration – the cure for jealousy.
Cure for Jealousy
The characteristics are clear. The consequences are dreadful. And the cure is straightforward. How do we deal with jealousy? Are you ready for it? You won’t hear preaching like this at every church, but you will here. Are you ready for how to cure jealousy? You recognize it as sin. You don’t excuse it. You don’t whitewash it. You don’t put some soft gloves on and pet it. And you certainly don’t do what our world has become experts at… You don’t rename it. You call it what it is.
And, a with all sin, I think what we have to do is bring it out in the open, in the privacy of our own home, certainly in the quietness of our own hearts. Jealousy is so often a secret sin, isn’t it? I mean, it’s not normal for people to come up and say, “You know, I just want you to know that I’m horribly jealous of you.”
It’s a secret sin. And where a sin is secret, it’s a secret between ourselves and God. Therefore, how do you deal with it? You deal with it between yourself and God. You go to God and you say, “God, you put your finger on something today as I read the Bible. I didn’t want to face this, but you’ve brought me face-to-face with it. I can see in the consequential behavior that some of that has already become a pattern of my life. And so, I’m coming to you asking you to help me deal with it. I’m bringing it…”
And this is the second aspect of it: 1.) acknowledge that it’s sin, and 2.) then bring it into the light of God’s presence. I find that it’s helpful for me, when I’m really confronted by something like this, to take something (a card or a piece of paper) and write down the actual stuff that I’m dealing with. Not, “Oh, I’ve had a few vague, general feelings of jealousy sometime in the last twelve months, Lord. Help me. Good night. And thank you for a great day. Bless all the people around the world. Amen.”
No, it’s gonna be something far more brutal than that. It’s gonna be something far more painful than that. We’re going in here for tumors. We’re hoping that they’re benign, that they’re not malignant. We’re going in very purposefully. We’re going in ruthlessly. And we’re not coming back until things are dealt with.
The other way to deal with it is, of course, to become a pastor. ’Cause pastors are never jealous. We never drive by larger churches and imagine what it must be like to have 300-1,300 attendees. We never see some guy with more influence, or wish our name was mentioned in certain circles. We never compare our sermons to the guy down the road. Pastors’ conferences can be some of the worst places you could ever spend three days of your life.
Jealousy. It’ll rot our bones, destroy our church, tear friendships apart, marginalize marriages, and make the best of friends lie in their bedrooms at night and think rotten thoughts about those for whom they ought to be praying. May God deal with us gently, purposefully, profitably.