YouTube video sermon
1 Peter 3:1-7
Let me invite you to take your copy of God’s Word and turn with me to 1 Peter 3:1-7. We’ve noted that Peter is writing to Christians, who have been scattered among the Roman empire. As a result of their dispersion and the resulting persecution, they’re feeling like aliens and strangers in this world. And so, Peter is writing to give them encouragement. In that regard, many of us are reading this letter with new eyes. We’re seeing ourselves (in today’s world) in their shoes and we’re sympathizing with these first century believers.
Two weeks ago, I kicked off this little section on submission by challenging us to find ways to be in submission to the governing authorities, and that went over like a lead balloon. Nevertheless, I pray that you’ve been thinking about that. Indeed, I know that at least one of you has, because it’s been the topic of conversation in several small groups, and I’ve received several text messages and phone calls from others.
If you missed last week, then you might want to go to our website and listen to that sermon, or at least read the transcript because we talked about slavery. Of course, in our modern-day application of that scripture we see that under the banner of employment, but in that day the idea was slavery. And the reason that I think it’s important for you to familiarize yourself with last week’s sermon is because the topic of slavery is one that many Christians fumble.
Skeptics, critics, and even some Christians will challenge you by saying, “How can you believe the Bible when it supports slavery?” And I hope that I was able to give you some clarity on the topic.
Well, today, Peter comes, and he speaks about the institution of marriage. And if you thought preaching about submission to the government was tough, or preaching about slavery was tough, just wait until I read verse 1 and watch all the women tense up. Hopefully, prayerfully, we’ll get a better understanding of what that word means and how it can bring hope to our marriages.
By the way, this isn’t just a message for wives. I’m covering husbands, too. And if you’re unmarried or widowed, remember that the Church is considered the bride of Christ, and Jesus is the bridegroom. So, see yourself as the bride and Jesus as the groom. In other words, nobody can say this doesn’t apply; although, for some of us, it will have a little more direct application. So, follow along with me…
1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
“Father, I pray that as we turn our hearts to these verses that the Holy Spirit might be our teacher, that You will give us alert minds, the ability to think clearly, and the willingness to submit (both husbands and wives) to exactly what Your Word may teach. We give ourselves to this task, all the while seeking Your grace, for we offer this prayer in Jesus’ name. Amen.”
Just like last week, you’ve got to give me just a moment to lay out where Peter is coming from. Number one, listen to me carefully, Peter is primarily, though not exclusively, addressing women who were married to non-Christian husbands. That’s the first thing we need to keep in mind. If you’re married to a Christian husband, you can’t ignore this. No, I said primarily, but not exclusively.
Number two, in the first century, and particularly among non-Christian men (though I’m sure that Christian husbands sometimes still had this attitude), women were viewed as property. They were viewed as an asset on a balance sheet. In fact, it doesn’t take too much imagination and you can see this in today’s society with the derogatory “trophy wife.”
A woman, in the first century, wasn’t allowed to have her own friends. The only friends that a woman could have were usually picked by her husband. She couldn’t go out of her house by herself. She had to go with her father, or her mother, or a brother, or her husband, or an older son (if she had children). That’s part of the story of the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4 – she was out there at noon by herself. That’s part of what makes that entire story and encounter with Jesus so scandalous. A woman who went about outside the house was seen as looking for a man. And if all of that wasn’t bad enough, whatever religion the husband held was what his wife was expected to participate in.
Now, all of that is part of what was called the Greco-Roman household codes. Frank Stagg was a seminary professor at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary and later at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, and he and his wife, Evelyn wrote a fantastic book called Woman in the World of Jesus that goes into great detail about this kind of stuff. For a woman to break the household codes was like breaking a federal law. If she did something outside of these rules, like not worship the false gods of her husband, then she would be seen as subversive, someone who was not good for society, an unfit wife, and she would bring shame upon her husband.
That’s the environment that Peter is writing in. Sounds kind of hopeless, doesn’t it? While it might not be this bad today, there are still many marriages that feel as hopeless. And Peter is writing to both, husbands and wives, who are asking the question: How do I live as a Christian spouse in this kind of society? Listen, how do we, as aliens, living in a hopeless world live as those who have been born again to a living hope? And how do we do that in our marriages? That’s what Peter is trying to address.
Initial Submission
The first thing that Peter says is, “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” Our society rejects that, and many people in the church reject it too. We come to a word like “submission”, and we say, “Nope, that’s not for us, that’s not for me, that was a different day, that was a cultural thing, that doesn’t apply to me.” We see it through the lens of feminism. We see it through the lens of the #MeToo movement. We see it through the lens of Hollywood. We see it through the lens of daytime talk shows, and all sorts of other places.
But, just like last week, I’m going to ask you to at least give me an opportunity to explain what that term really means, because I can assure you one thing; FOX and CNN and Hollywood and daytime talk shows don’t have a clue what it means. So, give the Word of God the opportunity to speak for itself, instead of us coming and imposing something onto the text.
The Greek word for “submission” is hupotassó (hypó, “under” and tássō, “arrange”). Properly, formally, concretely this word means “under God’s arrangement.” And that begs the question, “Well, what does God’s arrangement look like for husband and wife?” In order to answer that we have to turn back to Genesis 1, 2 and 3. You don’t need to turn there. I know that most of you know this, but who did God create first? (Adam.) Now, already, I know that some of you are thinking, “So, you’re saying since Adam was made first that means he’s better, that he’s more important, that he’s superior.” No, it simply means that God made Adam before Eve. Do you see how simply reading the Bible can be thwarted by external influences?
According to Genesis 2, we’re told that God created Adam from the dust of the ground. Was Eve made that way? (No.) How was Eve fashioned? God put Adam to sleep and did a little surgery and removed a rib from Adam’s side and used that rib to fashion Eve. And Adam said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23). Doesn’t that sound like equality to you? This is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ishshah, because she came from ish. Do you see how that fits together? Ishshah – “woman,” ish – “man.” There’s an equality that’s there.
Nowhere do we read that Adam says, “Let’s begin this way, you submit to me.” That’s never heard. There seems to be an equality when they work the garden together. There seems to be an equality when they walk with the Lord in the cool of the day. There seems to be a togetherness that’s understood – one is not superior and the other inferior. And yet, that’s exactly what our society says this word means – women are inferior and stupid and don’t have enough sense to make a decision on their own, and thus they need to be told everything to think and do and say. No, no, no, never is hupotassó (i.e. “submission”) used that way. The word solely refers to order (under God).
In fact, I’ll go so far as to say this. Before Adam and Eve sinned, I don’t think there was any ordering of husband and wife at all. It’s only after the Fall that God says to Eve, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you” (Genesis 3:16, NIV). That’s the very first instance of anything that even remotely sounds like ordering. And even then, the ordering had nothing to do with superiority or essence of personhood, rather it was for the role and function of leadership.
Listen, whether it’s IBM, or touch football, or pickup basketball, or the Atlanta Braves, there has to be a leader, and God has given that role to the husband. Wives, this is something that you do voluntarily out of obedience to God and His Word. Your husband doesn’t tell you to submit. Peter doesn’t tell husbands to make sure that their wives submit. That’s not the man’s job. The man’s job is to take care of himself (per vs. 7). And ladies, you don’t put yourselves there because you’re inferior, or because he’s superior, or because he thinks better than you (we all know that ain’t so). You place yourself there in function, not in essence. Who you are – as an individual with her own personality and capability and intelligence – is not in question. You submit (or not) based on your obedience to God’s Word.
And if you’re wondering whether that can really happen, all you have to do is mark Philippians 2:5-8, “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” Or what about Luke 2:51, when Jesus is a little boy and gets left behind in the temple in Jerusalem. The Bible says, “And He [Jesus] went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them.”
As Christians, we should show the hopelessly lost world that we have a hope in our marriage, because our hope is based in Jesus Christ, and we reflect the unity and the harmony and the love that’s on display in the Godhead. That’s what Peter is saying here.
Internal Preparation
Next, Peter says, “Don’t let your adorning be external… but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” And I find it absolutely fascinating that (for women) it’s always been about the hair, the clothes, and the jewels. Those aren’t new fads. It’s always been about those things, and because of that there are entire denominations that have lifted this verse out of context and forbid women to fix their hair up nice or wear jewelry or have nice clothes or put on make-up. Listen, if the barn needs painting, then paint it. Peter wanted to make sure that they didn’t overlook their hearts, that they didn’t overlook their character, that they didn’t overlook the secret places of their souls.
I was intrigued as I studied this and so I just did a quick Google search and found out that, according to a number of websites, the most expensive dress in the world is the Nightingale of Kuala Lumpur. It includes 1,000 carats of diamonds, 750 stones in total, and a centerpiece showstopper: a 70-carat pear-cut diamond brooch. The dress was unveiled at a Malaysian fundraising event in 2009, worn by Indian actress, Kavita Sidhu, and it costs a cool $30M. That’s what I fear. It’s not the outside. It’s what’s on the inside that makes all the difference.
And Peter singles out two specific qualities, “…the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit…” You say, “I knew you were going to get to that. All, you men, want us to do is to be quiet in church.” No, that’s not what’s being said here. The word “gentle” is actually the Greek word for “meekness.” Listen to what the Strong’s Concordance says about this word, “This difficult-to-translate root means more than “meek.” Biblical meekness is not weakness but rather refers to exercising God’s strength under His control (i.e. demonstrating power without undue harshness).”
If you’ve ever watched the Kentucky Derby, then you’ve seen meekness in action. Meekness is representative of the muscles that ripple when the horse runs – that’s the word. This massive war horse that has all this power, but it’s under complete control. Wives, the power that you have is to be under godly control.
Then he uses the word “quiet” and that really does bother us, doesn’t it? It doesn’t mean that you’re off in the corner and you only speak when spoken to. The word can also be translated as “tranquil.” It speaks of a steadiness (a stillness) due to a divinely inspired inner sense of calm.
The best illustration of this is the story of Abigail and David in 1 Samuel 25, before David was king. Here’s the short and sweet of it. Abigail’s husband, Nabal, was supposed to have provided a meal to David and his men for their work tending his flocks. Nabal reneged on the meal, so David and his men were headed down to Nabal’s house to kill him and all of his servants.
On the way, Abigail came out to meet David and his men, and she brought all of this food and provision with her. “She fell at his feet and said, ‘On me alone, my lord, be the guilt’” (1 Samuel 25:24). “You put all the blame for my husband on me. If you’re going to do anything, then do it to me.” And then she begins to reason with him and says, “David, you’re bigger than this. You’re going to be king. You don’t want this on your record. People will talk about this til the day you die. David, you’re better than this. You don’t respond to a fool in the same foolish manner.”
David listened to her, and this is what he said, “Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! Blessed be your discretion, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodguilt and from working salvation with my own hand” (1 Samuel 25:32-33)! David said, “You’re thinking with a clearer head than me. I thank God that He sent you out here to meet me.” That’s the kind of imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit – someone who maintains a clear and reasoned head in the midst of chaos.
Now, as we move to the men, I know somebody is asking the question, “Why do the women have 6 verses, but the men only have 1?” Somebody is asking that question. I can hear it now, can’t you, “It’s not fair.” Well, I think the honest answer is because of what I’ve already shared with you. Women’s status in the first century was clearly not what it is today. Some of these wives really had their backs against the wall, and I think that’s part of the answer.
Impassioned Honor
Husbands/men, what does Peter have to say to us? Verse 7, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” Do you remember my first point, a few minutes ago? Initial submission. This is why I called it “initial.” See that first word: “Likewise…” It’s a word that means “in like manner, similarly, in the same way, equally.” In fact, it’s the exact same word that Peter used in verse 1 with the wives. I believe it’s a call to mutual submission.
You say, “Now wait a minute, the Bible doesn’t say that.” I beg to differ. Listen to Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (NIV). Mutual submission doesn’t mean that both partners must submit in exactly the same ways. Christ submitted Himself to the church in one way, by a kind of servant-leadership that cost Him His life. And the church submits herself to Christ in another way by honoring His leadership and following Him on the road to Calvary. So, the submission of husband and wife to each other is similar but not exactly the same. The way that it’s similar is that it’s done lovingly and in obedience to the Word of God.
Ok, guys, there are actually two things that Peter calls us to do: 1.) live with our wives in an understanding way, and 2.) show them honor as the weaker vessel. It’s this last one that I want to focus on; not because the first one isn’t important, but because I think we tend to mess up our understanding of the second. It’s not a statement that’s reflective of women’s weak faith or weak minds or weak souls. That’s been dispelled in verses 1-6. That’s not the point. Peter’s statement about women being the “weaker vessel” is a simple anatomical, biological observation. The point is: Guys step up! We’ve lost that mindset. We’ve lost the concept of chivalry.
Peter concludes by giving us two reasons for this impassioned honor: “since they are heirs with you (co-heirs) of the grace of life,” and “so that your prayers may not be hindered.” Guys, your wives, if they’ve trusted Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of their sins, will be equal heirs of eternal life – no ordering in heaven except that everyone is under God. If there was any remaining arrogance left, then this deflates that ego. She’s a co-heir. She’s an heiress. She’s a queen. That ought to have an effect on you, in terms of kindness, respect, tenderness, listening, marveling at what God’s blessed you with. Honor her.
Finally, “that your prayers may not be hindered.” Husbands, Jesus said, “I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them” (Matthew 18:19-20). If you’re not honoring your wives, if you’re not living with them in an understanding way, if there’s constant friction in your marriage, then it’s not likely there’s much agreement, and thus not much answered prayer. Plus, if you’re not doing these things, then you’re sinning, and sinning people find it difficult to pray.
Ben Hogan is considered one of the best golfers to ever play the sport, but he almost missed out on his most successful season (1953), because of a horrific auto accident in 1949. Ben and his wife, Valerie, were on their way home to Dallas, TX from Phoenix, AZ, when they collided head-on with a Greyhound bus that was attempting to pass another vehicle on a bridge.
The accident left Hogan, age 36, with a double-fracture of the pelvis, a fractured collar bone, a left ankle fracture, a chipped rib, and near-fatal blood clots – a condition that would cause lifelong circulation problems and other physical limitations. Do you know what happened to Valerie? Nothing. She climbed out of the car without the slightest scratch. Do you know why? Seconds before the impact, Hogan threw himself across Valerie in order to protect her.
Guys, that’s showing impassioned honor to the weaker vessel. It also sounds an awful lot like the kind of sacrifice that our Groom made for us (His bride). In order to protect us, in order to save us, in order to redeem us from a head-on collision with sin and its consequences, Jesus Christ was nailed to a Roman cross, so that whoever believes in Him will have eternal life.
“Our Father and our God, these verses are actually where we live our lives, all of us. And we need, so much, Your help to discern Your truth and to obey Your instruction. I pray, with thanksgiving, for the husbands and wives that are part of our congregation here. And I pray, Lord, that You will enable them to do what is right, according to Your Word. I ask that this week You will give them opportunities to display something of the revolutionary truth and impact of this Word. And even those who march to the beat of a different drum need to hear this instruction. May we turn our eyes on Jesus. May Your Word take root in our lives, for Jesus’ sake. Amen.”