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Ephesians 4:25-32

Let me invite you to take your copy of God’s Word and turn with me to Ephesians 4:25-32. As you’re finding your spot, which should be well-worn by now, let me share a phrase that’s become far too frequent in our age. “They found each other on Facebook.” If I had a dollar for every time that sentence has been the occasion of a bad story, then we could all go to lunch. You say, “Well pastor, you’ve never been a fan of Facebook. You don’t have to be so mean.” The comment isn’t a criticism of Facebook, per se. There are clearly benefits of social media, but those benefits don’t come on their own and there are peculiar dangers to them.

The one to which I allude is the opportunity that it creates for “happily married” couples to search the internet for and find and to re-engage with friends and lovers from their past. And somebody may say, “Yes, but it’s completely possible for someone to do that without it leading to divorce or separation.” And while that’s true, it is a potential emotional loophole. It is, in my experience, as I’ve spoken with people, an occasion for giving the devil a foothold.

Therefore, wisdom says (as does the book of Proverbs), you don’t go down that road, you don’t go by that place, and you don’t approach those areas. So, if that’s true in the physical world, then it’s certainly true when you’re scrolling and scanning and searching social media.

What does this have to do with our text from Ephesians 4? Well, you see, when you get married everything changes. When a man and a woman become husband and wife they sever, once and for all, the ties and associations and affections that were a part of their singleness. I’m not suggesting that all relationships have to be terminated; only that those romantic and emotional connections must be put aside.

In fact, the Bible even goes a step further and says that in some ways parental connections must be severed too: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). And that union is the closest union that we have in humanity. Once that covenant has been established, it needs to be ratified 60 seconds a minute, 60 minutes an hour, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, for the rest of our lives. And indeed, it’s our new identity within the framework of marriage that constrains, and controls, and directs all of our activity as it relates to the other relationships in our lives.

Paul Overstreet has written a number of songs. Most of you don’t listen to country music because you’re intelligent, but for those of us that do, one of his hits from the mid-1980s was a song titled On the Other Hand. It’s classic country-western play on words and it talks about a married man speaking with a woman that’s not his wife and the chorus says:

But on the other hand
There’s a golden band
To remind me of someone
Who would not understand
On one hand, I could stay (aah)
And be your lovin’ man
But the reason I must go
Is on the other hand

Paul is warning here about giving the devil a foothold, and while I know that it’s not a perfect analogy, it’s a fair one. Insofar as we’ve been united to Christ – bride and bridegroom, and we a part of that as we are in Christ – we have put off the old man and put on the new man. We were previously “in Adam” but now we’re “in Christ,” and it’s because of our being “in Christ” that certain aspects of our faith need to be worked out on a daily basis just like they do in marriage.

In essence, what Paul is saying is this. As a single person, you used to be able to go out whenever and wherever you wanted to, but when you got married that “sowing wild oats” thing changed (or at least it was supposed to). And in the case of the Ephesians (and you and me) they were formerly in a world marked by darkness, but are now in a kingdom marked by light. Those personal characteristics that once marked their lifestyles need to be removed and replaced with behaviors that are more consistent with who they are in Jesus.

25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

“Speak, O Lord, as we wait in the stillness on Thee. Hush our hearts to listen in expectancy. Speak, O blessed Master, in this quiet hour; let us see Your face, Lord, feel Your touch of power. Fill us with the knowledge of Your glorious will; all Your own good pleasure in Your children fulfill. For we pray in Jesus’ name, amen.”

I’ve mentioned this before but it bears repeating again and again, because we continue to make the error in our theology and also in our daily living. Paul is not providing a “How to Become A Christian” manual. If you’re tempted to read or hear these verses as a list of things you’re supposed to do in order to get on the right side with God and thereby call yourself a Christian, then you’ve missed the point. What Paul is describing is the nature of progress in Christian discipleship. It’s what pastors and theologians and bible teachers refer to as sanctification – the ongoing process of taking off the old and putting on the new.

And Paul discusses five (5) areas of our lives that should stand out as being radically different from the world so that people know there’s something different about us. The first is…

OUR MORALITY

Look at verse 25 again, “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” Lying was part of the everyday culture in Ephesus, even as it is n our day. We’ve experienced the tragic consequences of lying – particularly last year. When lies are spoken as frequently as the truth, there ceases to be a practical difference. No one knows what to believe. Paul says we’re to put away lying and speak the truth with one another.

Now, you might be tempted to ask, “What’s so bad about a little white lie every now and then?” First off, even asking the question suggests that we’ve allowed permission for it. Let me ask you something. When you’re raising children, do you dangle the exception or do you stick to the rule? “Well, it’s ok to smoke every now and then – just don’t make it a habit. Just a little sip of alcohol won’t hurt you this time.” No! Most of us want to steer our children in the right direction. Sure, we know they’re going to be exposed to it at some point in their early adulthood, but we stand strong on the rule. Why? Because to give an inch sometimes means taking a mile. Secondly, God has a problem with lying. Jesus claimed to be the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). Therefore, lying is contrary to the nature and character of Jesus. And when we do something against the nature and character of Jesus we’re actually doing something in favor of someone else: The Devil – the father of lies.

As you think about how simple this instruction is: speak the truth, I want you to also think about our marching orders as believers. Jesus told us to go and make disciples. We’re supposed to share the Good News of Jesus, right? We’re supposed to urge people to confess their sins and accept the free gift of God’s grace in Christ, right? Right. So, if people don’t identify you as being a person of your word, if you can’t be trusted because you’ve told one too many lies, then how do you expect them to listen to your godly counsel? Speak the truth.

Being a truth-teller doesn’t mean you tell every piece of truthful information you know. This is especially true when it comes to confession. While the church should be characterized by people that are vulnerable and honest with one another, we need to be careful not to air our dirty laundry in the wrong context. We can speak the truth without all of the details.

OUR MOODS

The next area is our moods. Look at verses 26-27, “Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” Paul says, “You’re going to have to learn how to be angry at the right things and for the right reasons.” Not all anger is wrong. It says it right there (in the Bible), “Be angry…” Now don’t be using this at lunch when you get upset at your waiter or you spouse or whoever for not preparing the meal to your liking. Well, I’m just doing what the Bible says. No, be angry, but do not sin. That’s the part we mess up on.

You see, the problem with anger is that so many of us are not good at controlling it so we’ve told ourselves and other people that to be angry is a sin. No, no, we need to learn how to control our anger and make sure that we’re angry at the right things and for the right reasons. Jesus’s anger was righteous because it was never self-centered. He didn’t get angry over being mistreated, himself. He didn’t get angry when people judged him erroneously. He didn’t get angry over being led to the cross to die. No, Jesus got angry about injustices done to others. In fact, when the church fails to get angry at the blatant defiance of God’s Word, it’s not a sign of Christian maturity, it’s a sign of moral laxity.

How can Christians not be angry over abortion? How can we not be angry at child abuse or elder abuse? Domestic violence? The legalization of addictive and life-destroying drugs? Racial prejudice and inequality and injustice? We’re called to be angry, but we need to be angry about the right things and for the right reasons.

Anger turns from being righteous to being sinful when our anger becomes self-centered, vengeful, and vindictive. He even tells us that if we don’t deal with it correctly that it will become bitterness, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger…” When we fail to keep our anger in focus on the right things and for the right reasons it becomes an open door for the Devil; to give him a foothold in our lives.

OUR MONEY

Third, we’re to put away stealing and put on sharing. Look at verse 28, “Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.” You say, “Hey, this doesn’t really apply to us. We’ve all worked for our retirements and invested wisely. I’m no thief.” I hope so. I pray so. But if you think that Christians can’t be tempted to steal, then you’re not in touch with reality. A simple search on the internet will turn up all sorts of cases, and some quite recently, where hundreds of thousands of dollars were embezzled by believers.

And it’s not just stealing money. For those of you that own and operate businesses, you know the costs associated with employees calling out when they don’t have the vacation or personal time. The costs of wasting time on the job. Stealing isn’t solely a matter of money, although that’s the primary way we think about it. Paul was rather blunt when he wrote about this to the Thessalonian congregation. He said, “If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies” (2 Thessalonians 3:10-11).

You say, “Yeah, but what about the people in our society that can’t work?” That’s covered in the verse – labor, doing honest work, so that you may have something to share with anyone in need. Before you and I become followers of God the equation went something like this. You work in order to keep. Now, having experience the radical transformative work of the Holy Spirit the equation goes like this. You work in order to give.

One of my favorite stories from Bill Canata was that on occasion, he would tip the wait staff the same amount as the total bill. So, if the total was 57.37, then he’d pay the bill and add 57.37 as a tip. Now, I know that there are many of you that do that kind of a thing, and I’m thankful. But it’s a sad fact that many waiters and waitresses report getting their smallest tips from Christian customers. How will people ever believe in Jesus if all they ever encounter are Christians with closed hands.

OUR MOUTHS

Paul continues to hit close to home when he talks about our speech (vs. 29-30), “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” Again, be careful that you don’t hear these verses as ways to earn God’s favor. We can easily be convinced that Christianity is nothing more than behavior modification. If the person looks this way, and dresses that way, and talks this way, and doesn’t do this, and so forth, well then, they must be a Christian. Certainly, we’re being encouraged to live distinct and different from the rest of the world, and indeed, sometimes those behaviors do lead us to the right conclusion: the person is a believer. But just doing right deeds and speaking right things doesn’t make someone a Christian.

The word that Paul uses here for corrupt is a Greek word that means “rotten.” It’s a word they associated with the dead body of an animal, or rotten food. It’s garbage. Coincidentally, that’s why we refer to it as “dirty language.” This is one of the greatest pressures for teenagers. At least it was for me. To be lily white in your speech just wasn’t cool. The same might be true in old age; especially on the golf course. Right? I mean it’s almost unavoidable. Our world is so full of people that don’t give it a second thought: this word and that word and sometimes stringing multiple words together. It’s just a sewer pipe coming out of their mouths.

But notice that Paul doesn’t just limit it to the negative. He also encourages the positive. Replace the negative with the positive. Instead of foul language, our mouth should be a source of edification, building up, and blessing. You want to know how you can be a blessing to someone this week without having to open your Bible and walk them down the Romans Road of salvation? Speak words of hope and encouragement and love. There’s so much negative communication in our world, that the opportunity for grace and mercy in our speech is never-ending.

OUR MANNERS

Paul concludes with what I’m calling “good manners.” Look at verses 31-32. You’ll notice that he uses some of the same words as earlier, but they’re strung together instead of being treated separately. He starts with putting off meanness: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” There are six (6) traits mentioned in verse 31, and while this isn’t an exhaustive list of mean character traits I do find it interesting that there are six of them. The number 6 is one less than 7, which is a number associated with perfection and divinity and holiness. So, in biblical numerology the number 6 is associated with being less than holy, less than divine, less than perfect. Indeed, the number 6 is associated with the Evil One. In the book of Revelation, we’re told that the number of the Beast is 666 – a trinity of unholiness.

Now think about this for a minute. If you invited a co-worker or a neighbor or a family member to come to church with you and they showed up to the same kind of drama and nonsense that goes on in the office – all the stupid double-talk and slander and in-fighting – then how in the world will they receive the gospel. If this Jesus-thing really transforms people, then why are you acting the way you are. Do you see; this is extremely practical.

But just as before, Paul doesn’t only hit the negative expression of these behaviors, he also encourages replacement with holy behaviors. Again, I’m trying not to draw too much attention to this, because the text doesn’t fully support it. But notice how many positive character traits are mentioned (3). In the Bible, the number three (3) is always associated with God.

• Instead of being bitter and full of wrath, be kind.
• Instead of being angry and clamorous, be tenderhearted.
• Instead of speaking evil and being malicious, be forgiving.

In the world, it’s every man for himself; claw your way to the top; look out for “numero uno;” do what you have to do to get what you want. Success is the primary virtue, so everything is justified as a means to that end. But Paul says, “You have not learned Christ in that way” (Ephesians 4:20). Jesus wasn’t like that. The Holy Spirit would never lead any Christian to be anything but kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving. And in our world, that’s radical living.